Helping Women be the most Beautiful, Inside and Out

Posts tagged ‘communication’

Judging a Book By It’s Cover

You’ve all heard the phrase 

“You Can’t Judge a Book by it’s Cover” 

But yet we all do it. 

Just think about it,  when you’re browsing in a bookstore aren’t you attracted to a book by how interesting the cover is?   They may be colorful, or have some unique picture or phrase that grabs your attention so you’ll pick it up to find out more, right?  They are designed that way, that’s marketing. 

Believe it or not it is the same with people! 

Did you know that you only have three to seven seconds upon meeting someone to make an impression on them?   In this short time, the other person will form an opinion about you that is based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, your mannerisms, and how you are dressed. 

That means you will be  judged before you can even open your mouth to speak!  

This is done on a subconscious/emotional level of the brain.  So there is nothing you can do about it, or can you?

As Will Rogers once said “You never get a second chance to make a first impression

Like it or not, you need to grab people’s attention right away by your appearance. 

Though your true beauty is on the inside, your personality will take time for people to see.

“It’s beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.” ~Anonymous ~

There is only one that does not judge you by your looks, that is God.  “…for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Sam. 16:7b. 

But when dealing with people how you present yourself will determine if someone will want to be your friend, consider you for a job, or feel that you are trustworthy, and so on.

So what can you do to make a good first impression that will last?   How important is your appearance? 

Your clothes, your hair, and your mannerisms all play a part in the impression you make on others.  

Let’s start with the way you dress. 

What is the best way to dress for the meeting or occasion?  If it’s a business meeting, a job interview, or a first date even, think about  what is the appropriate attire?  Also ask yourself what other people will be wearing so you are not over or under dressed for the event. 

Wearing the correct Season of colors for your specific skin tone, eyes and hair is crucial in making the best impression and feeling confident about your appearance.

If you have confidence in yourself others will notice right away.  A polite and courteous behavior helps make a good first impression.  

How about your personal grooming?   Cleanliness is next to godliness!  Nicely styled hair, neat and clean clothes (not wrinkled like you wore them to bed the night before), and appropriately applied makeup are all important.  Oh yeah and take it easy on the perfume!  Too much can be just as offensive if not more so than none at all.

Project a positive attitude, even when you are nervousness, and remember to smile,  it’s contagious!

People will “read” you on the outside before getting to know you on the inside, so strive to be the most beautiful you can be both inside and out.

Related Articles:

What Season are You?

Makeup Your Mind

Are You Attracting or Detracting?

True Beauty is a State of Mind

From Different Worlds?

You’ve all heard of the book  “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” by Dr. John Gray, right?  As great as the book is in helping improve communications by using the analogy of men and women coming from different worlds, you need to accept the fact that as diverse as we may seem we are still from the same planet, EARTH. 

So get used to it!

It is true that men do not think like women and visa versa.  Nor do men have the same priorities as women.  We are wired differently for a reason.  This is the divine design of our creator.   He knew that opposites would attract.  Viva la Difference!  

We are designed to compliment each other. 

Men are designed with single focus, to do one thing at a time and give it their all.   They are great at accomplishing big jobs that require alot of concentration.  That is why men make great soliders, surgeons, firefighters and police officers (just to name a few).  

Their switch is either on or off.  Mostly ON!  

Women on the other hand are a bit more complicated, with many switches, knobs and buttons (moods and conditions).  And all must be turned on in the right sequence and order to get right results.  No wonder we drive men crazy!

Women are designed to multi-task.    They have responsibilities of cleaning, while cooking, and taking care of their kids all at the same time (not to mention about 5 other things usually going on as well).  But leave a man home for a day to do all the daily tasks a woman does and you find out only a few things get done.  Then we complain that they are lazy or don’t care.  That is not the problem.   They are not designed like women!

Here are some differences in the way men and women think:

Women–  talk about their feelings and frustrations.

Men–  talk about their actions and accomplishments, not their “feelings”.

Women– work out their problems by sharing them with others, and asking for help.

Men– Work out their problems alone (talking about them or asking for help is considered being weak).

Women– Desire to improve things by offering advise without being asked (men reject this as a form of humiliation).

Men– Need to be accepted as they are.  They will improve themselves when they feel loved, trusted and accepted.

It is a miracle that we can ever see eye to eye on anything!   

The important thing to understand is that we cannot make men think like us (why would we want to anyway?).  

A wife needs to have respect for her husband, not tear him down every other day.  I have seen so many women work so hard to change their men, then when they finally change them (break them) they no longer love or respect them. 

When a man feels respected he will do anything for the woman he loves.   

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: it is a matter of being the right person.  Work on improving yourself and it will improve your marriage and your life.

Relationships take work.  And let me tell you it is “hard work”.   No great accomplishment in life is easy.  

Don’t allow your differences to tear your relationship apart.

Marriage takes a lifetime to perfect (maybe that is why it is “until death do us part”). 

 

You know what they say “practice makes perfect”, and practicing can be a lot of fun!

 

Related Articles:

The Knight Before and After

The Truth About What Men Find Attractive

You Are What You Eat, Bonappetit

 

You’ve all heard that phrase “You are what you eat”, but have you ever thought about what that really means? 

Does it mean that if you eat too many carrots your skin will turn orange, you’ll start to smell like a carrot, and bunny rabbits will start stocking you?   

NO!  It is a Figure of Speech. 

We use them all the time.  Like saying “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse”, don’t worry, really I’m not into horsemeat.   Or if I say “My job is killing me!”  I really don’t want you to start digging my grave.   We use figures to emphasize our words, to make a stronger point.

The phrase “You are what you eat” is talking about what you allow into your heart (not your mouth) is what you become. 

There is a verse in the Bible that illustrates this well, “Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart… Jer. 15:16.   Jeremiah ate the words God gave him, he made them a part of his thinking and the words gave joy to his heart.   Here is another great verse, “O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trustheth in him.” Psa. 34:8.   How can you taste God?   It is God’s words that are sweeter than honey (Psalms 19:10b), they are nourishment to the soul.  They are The Words of Life!

When words enter our ears we start to consider them (chew on them), then we decide to either reject them (spit them out) or accept them (digest them) and make them a part of our thinking, and ultimately a part of our heart that changes our lives accordingly.  

Ever heard of GIGO?  Garbage In, Garbage Out. 

We have to be careful what we allow into our mind, and dwell on in our heart, cause it will surely come out our mouth.

What do the words which you give to others do for them?  

Remember that once words leave your mouth you can’t take them back. 

But you can put your foot in your mouth, which usually happens when you say something stupid or hurtful. “Dang I can’t believe I said that!”  Sound familar?

When our spouse tells us we look beautiful we feel on top of the world, when they say we look fat we are devastated.  

 But when the guy you cut off on the freeway yells at you it barely upsets you. 

Why does one affect you but not the other?  We allow certain people to affect us because we have respect for what they say, either good or bad. 

Words can be uplifting or depressing. 

Words can be loving or hateful. 

Words can make us blush, or make us cry.  

Words can make us afraid or give us great encouragement. 

Spiteful words can be weapons for destruction of the soul. 

Comforting words can heal the broken hearted.

“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”  3 John 2

To be healthy on the inside we need to dwell on things that promote health.  The most healthy words I know come from God, our Creator, our Father who wants the best for us in every category of life.  His words are pure, peaceable and easy to be intreated (James 3:17).  They give life to those that hear and believe.

What are you eating?  What are you feeding others?

Choose your words carefully and Bonappetit!

Did You See the Changes Coming?

social-media-guru 

Have you noticed lately how extremely fast paced technology is changing our social interaction with friends, family and business associates? 

Be honest now, how many of you are Facebook and Twitter fanatics?   Both have become the standard meeting places for family and friends.   Instead of meeting face to face, we email and text message one another.  You won’t believe this (or maybe you will) I’ve even seen a husband and wife in 2 different rooms in their home Instant Messaging each other, instead of walking into the other room to talk!   (Ok I have to admit I’ve done it too).  This is getting crazy! 

Did you see these changes coming or did they kind of sneak up on you without much notice? 

cell phone booth 

Did you even notice the removal of public Phone Booths?  They all just seemed to have disappeared in the blink of an eye when cell phones started becoming popular.  Can you still remember pagers?  I used to have one, and when I received a page I had to drive to the closest phone booth to respond.  

That was only a little over 10 years ago! 

I still can’t get used to walking around with a device in my ear, looking like Uhura from Star Trek.   uhura

Don’t you find it rude when you pass by a person in a store,  yacking away on their bluetooth and you think they are talking to you?  And if you say anything they give you a dirty look.  That erks me!   At least before the bluetooth you could tell they were holding a phone up to their ear.   Now it just looks like everyone is crazy, talking to themselves out loud. 

Just look at how much cell phones have evolved. 

One of the first cell phones

One of the first cell phones

2009 Cell Phone

2009 Cell Phone

Now they are not only Phones, but Cameras, Music Players, Alarm Clocks, Navigation Devices, Contact Managers, Internet Browsers and more,  in one little hand-held package.   Truly Amazing! 

Just think about how many techy gadgets from Star Trek are now real!  Capt. Kirk’s communicator looked kind of like a modern flip phone!   Hmm, could it be we got the idea from Sci Fi? 

 kirk_comm 

I’m reluctantly learning to adapt, but all this new fangled techno communication is not as fulfilling as being able to enjoy the physical company of  good friends or family, playing games, loosing track of time, and sharing a good laugh together.  

Ahh the good old days!  

 board-games 

Are they gone forever?  Afraid so.  

Do you realize that young kids today will never know what it was like before cell phones, or iPods, or Blue Ray?  They couldn’t imagine what the world was like before the Xbox! 

Technology is moving so fast we aren’t really aware of  it.  We are blind to it because we are too caught up in it.  (Can’t see the forest for the trees!) 

If you want to see some of the new advances in technology check out this article.  Amazing!  And kinda Scary!   http://ibexinc.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/is-the-future-going-to-be-like-star-trek-or-terminator/ 

Are You Hearing What I’m Saying?

better-communication

10 Tips That Will Help You Improve Your Listening Skills

Ernest Hemingway once said “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” How true that is. How many times has someone asked you how you were, but doesn’t take the time to listen to your response? They may cut you off, start talking about themselves, or walk away. If you’re like most people, this behavior probably leaves a sour taste in your mouth. People want to be heard and listened to; they want to feel like someone cares.

Be honest with yourself. Do you exhibit the same behaviors that you dislike, or do you make every attempt to hear and listen to those around you? If you find that your listening skills are poor or need tweaking, this article provides tips on how to be a better listener.

1. Make a commitment to improve your listening skills. It is important to note that listening is not a skill with which we are born. We have to learn how to develop good listening skills, and continuously practice what we learn. There are classes and books dedicated to helping individuals learn and perfect their listening skills.

2. Talk less and listen more. Most people like to talk, especially about themselves. As such, work on talking less and listening more. When listening to someone, you might want to jump in and offer an opinion or suggestion; however, make every effort not to do so. Give him the opportunity to be fully heard. In your mind, repeat every word he says, immediately after he has said it. This will help you keep your own thoughts at bay, as you will be listening only to the speaker’s words.

3. Whether you are listening to a friend, co-worker, or employee, give them your undivided attention. Make sure there are no distractions (e.g., phones, computers, TVs) that would interfere with your giving full attention to the speaker. If the distractions are unavoidable, try to separate yourself from them to the best of your ability.

4. Display objectivity when listening to others. Set aside your own thoughts, judgments, and experiences. Act as if you don’t have any attachment to what is being said.

5. When listening to people with different viewpoints, put yourself in their shoes. Although you may not agree with them, it might help you to better understand their perspective. Try to find a common ground; areas in which you both agree.

6. Wait until a person has finished speaking before you respond. If you are formulating a response while the person is speaking, you are not truly listening to him.

7. In order to communicate that the individual has been heard, summarize or paraphrase what he just said to confirm that you heard him correctly.

8. When listening to someone, takes notes, if needed, to remember important points.

9. As you listen to people, pay attention to how they are conveying their message. Are they loud? Are they speaking quickly? Which words do they use to express what they are feeling? What is the tone of their voice? Their tone generally reflects their emotions; how they are feeling about the issue. When people are angry, upset, or passionate about an issue, the volume of their voice increases, and the tone changes. When they are excited, they may talk faster. When they are depressed, they may talk slow, and the tone of their voice may be sad or devoid of any emotion.

10. When listening to others, also observe their nonverbal behaviors, as sometimes the individual’s words and non-verbal behaviors will be contradictory. Are their arms and/or legs crossed? Are they looking directly at you or avoiding eye contact? Is their body turned away from you? Typically, these are signs that the person is “closed” from having a conversation; he may be embarrassed, or trying to avoid a confrontation, or simply doesn’t want to talk. Conversely, if the individual is smiling, looking directly at you, and has a relaxed stance, he is open to dialogue.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person. By improving your listening skills, you will be a better friend, colleague, or supervisor. People will naturally gravitate towards you, and appreciate you. The above tips will help, but it your responsibility to continuously work on improving your listening skills. It may take time and effort, but the rewards will be worth it.

Copyright 2009 © Sharon L. Mikrut, All rights reserved.
If you want to make positive changes in your personal and/or professional life, and create the life you desire and deserve, then working with Executive & Life Coach, Sharon L. Mikrut, is the solution. Although her specialty is in partnering with nonprofit executive directors and managers to maximize their resources in a competitive environment, she is passionate about working with all individuals committed to personal and/or professional growth. Visit her website at http://www.createitcoaching.org”>http://www.createitcoaching.org  and sign up for her free monthly messages, tidbits, and resource information. In addition, visit her “Nonprofit Professionals” blog at http://www.createitcoaching.com”>http://www.createitcoaching.com Sharon is also available to speak to your group, association or organization.

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